The actor’s elephant graveyard, where “Doctors” extras come to die. Badly…

This is an offensively poor attempt at a post-apocalyptic, mutant zombie horror, where some random and uninteresting characters somehow manage to survive a nuclear terrorist attack by hiding in a scout hut and eating jacket potatoes.  I urge you now not to bother with this shart of a film, unless you truly hate either yourself or whoever you’re going to inflict it upon. 

Nothing in this film failed to annoy me.  Firstly, No one at any point actually seemed even remotely bothered that the world just exploded and everyone else they’ve ever known or loved had been vaporised.  The production and acting are the worst I’ve ever seen in my entire life; and remember I sat through Ninja, so that’s saying something.  It’s like watching a homemade porno (I imagine) but without any of the action, the result of which is a completely fast forwardable film.

If you must watch it, do it with someone from a military background and down a shot every time they scoff with outrage at the errors the supposed army men make; I guarantee you’ll be bladdered in seconds and will care even less about what happens next. 

The only thing convincing in this abomination is the dinner someone nonchalantly tucks into whilst failing to reflect upon the recent annihilation of everyone else on the planet.  Someone briefly attempts an American accent; at least, I think that’s what she was aiming for, and the whole thing appears to have been shot at a paintball course.

Although I was desperate to turn the film off immediately, I found I couldn’t peel my eyes away from one of the young actresses huge forehead, seriously, its mahoooosive.  I can only assume it was a prosthesis, worn in preparation for when generic zombie #3 stoves it in on a sink, the only bit that made me cheer…

Honestly, I’ve seen more convincing mutants at the back of my fridge.  I can only assume the budget for this film was no more than £50, as the whole thing was shot on video and clearly written by a chimp.  I have to admit, after a while it felt like they were doing the whole thing on purpose, just to wind me up.  Have any of them actually even SEEN a film before? 

The most exciting part, (and I’m getting a bit free and loose with the word exciting) was when it appeared someone has eaten the little kids goldfish in blind panic when the sunburnt people, sorry, Zombies, tried to invade, but alas, this mild flutter was actually down to either poor cropping by the cameraman, or the goldfish was as shit at acting as everyone else and missed its cue to swim into shot.

The desperate yet smug incompetence of all involved in this piece of greasy excreta is profoundly insulting, and after it finally finished 80 minutes later, I felt compelled to round them all up in a line and take a running bitchslap at each and every one of their stupid faces for presenting me with such bilge. Seriously, I cant help thinking a proper-nasty blue movie would’ve been a much more admirable career move…